What Would You Miss About Illness?

I know this is an odd question. For many of us, our conditions don't necessarily disappear, but maybe they do fade in and out. Perhaps some of you (both the ill and the well partner) have luckily had the experience of being without symptoms long enough so that you can think of life as a journey and not just as an intermission between pain or fever spikes.

I had the good fortune of being in a symptom free phase for a few weeks and I started to notice that I was forgetting to do things like a sick person. I wasn't planning my days around the phases of pain. I bought tickets to a play three weeks ahead -- not out of hope that I would be ok, but out of forgetfulness to take my condition into consideration. Out of the irrelevance of pain.

One day, perhaps perversely, I starting reflecting on the question: "What do I miss about my pain condition?" I realized that I missed a kind of intimacy I had with Richard when pain was the major force in our relationship.

We see each other a lot more when I'm in pain, mostly because I don't really go anywhere. And we sit quietly, in the same room, not necessarily talking or reading -- just being. It's not that I want pain back so we can reclaim this kind of intimacy. I just want to remember to call on my consciousness to create this intimacy and not wait for pain to dictate the terms we engage on.

What does your illness do for you? What do you, or would you, miss about your illness should it fade for a week or two?