How Much Do You Involve Your Partner in Health Care Decisions?

When I was at my worst, floundering around with a chronic pain condition with no answers and no direction, Richard came with me to every appointment - from medical specialists to homeopathist. On the practical side, I couldn't drive or remember too clearly, so he was chauffeur and memory. I asked practitioners questions out of a desperate hope for the one pill that would make it all go away. He asked questions that came from a rational, analytic mind. He was as current with my health care status and information as I was. I could not have made it without this kind of support (along with other kinds).

I am curious. To what extent do you, the ill partner, involve your well partner in your health care experiences? Does he/she go with you to appointments? Do research? Stand on the sidelines? Wait for you to bring up health issues? Absent him/herself? How do you balance your health care and your relationship?

And for the well partner - how much do you get involved in your ill partner's medical experiences and day-to-day care needs? How much information do you want to know? Do you sometimes feel left out or frustrated with your partner's style of getting (or not getting) care?

No judgments here. There is no generic right way of connecting or disconnecting around health care activities. What worked for me and Richard might seem too enmeshed and could drive another couple crazy.

What works for you?