How Have Your Parents & In-Laws Reacted to Your Illness?

Both Richard's parents died before I met him so I have no in-laws. My own parents were in their 70's when I first developed a chronic pain condition. Their reaction was surprising, although it shouldn't have been. They both backed away and assumed that Richard and I would handle it just fine.

We were not a family that discussed personal matters, and I guess illness is a personal matter. Or perhaps more accurately, the illness of an adult child, which in my family's taxonomy falls into the category that contains topics like sex, birth control, divorce, and emotion.

I think that my parents' reluctance to dive into my illness any more deeply than asking "How are you?" does not stem from indifference or callousness. Quite the opposite. I think it is their way of defending themselves against the consummate horror of knowing their child is in pain and getting sicker, and they are helpless to make it all go away.

Eventually they began phoning more frequently. My mother started sending me quarts of her home-made pea soup by mail (she shipped them frozen overnight and they would arrive partially thawed). I always felt their love, if not their caretaking.

What has been your experience (both as the ill and well partner) with parents and in-laws?